Tips For The Sober Curious This Spring
Spring tends to bring about a sense of rebirth, symbolizing new beginnings and transformation. Feeling the warmth of the sun on our skin and noticing vibrant colors blooming around us encourages us to step out of our homes and into the fresh air.
As we begin opening the windows in our homes, making outdoor plans with friends, and enjoying the change in weather, many find themselves thinking about how they would like to spend their time and what kind of things they’d like to do in the coming months.
When we think about socializing, drinking can seem like an expectation at times. Drinking is so deeply engrained in our rituals and culture that it can feel like more of an assumption than a decision.
Questioning the role of alcohol and the decision to drink can be it’s own form of awakening. For people who have started to think intentionally about the role that alcohol plays in their lives, Spring can also symbolize a challenge to their sobriety.
What Does “Sober Curious” Even Mean?
The term “sober curious” has been used to describe the process of exploring one’s relationship with alcohol. This means thinking intentionally about how alcohol shows up in your life. Questions you may find yourself asking include:
When do I tend to reach for a drink?
How much am I drinking in a night? In a week?
Am I turning to alcohol when I’m feeling anxious, lonely, sad, etc?
Why does my job center bonding experiences around alcohol?
Why do I drink more when I’m around certain friends?
What would happen if I spent time with friends without drinking?
Could drinking be impacting my sleep?
Being sober curious means something different to each person. There is no one definition or formula. Being sober curious doesn’t necessarily mean being sober, though for some that is part of the exploration.
Benefits and Challenges of Being Sober Curious
The rewards of being sober curious are often what draw people to this type of exploration to begin with. Holding a perspective of curiosity rather than trying to follow a set of rules can help you tune into what’s happening for you in the moment. The sober curious may notice:
Physical benefits of taking a break from drinking (more restful sleep, brighter complexion, more energy)
Clarity of thoughts and new observations
Greater ease with tuning into your inner and outer world
A sense of being more present in your interactions with others
Deeper connection to self
It can also be very difficult to challenge and even to explore routines that have felt “normal” in our lives.
The idea of being intentionally curious about drinking may seem more challenging when applied in real life. For example, many choose to abstain from drinking for a certain amount of time during this exploration in order to identify ways in which alcohol is influencing their lives.
Challenges the sober curious may face include:
Establishing boundaries
Communicating boundaries to family and friends
Experiencing increased anxiety in social situations
Losing a coping mechanism that has been relied upon in hard times
Experiencing breakthroughs or new insights by not drinking
Tips to Support Your Sober Curious Journey This Spring
1. Grab Your Own Drinks
It can be hard to stick to your game plan of not drinking when you’re around other people who are drinking. Preparing for the situation in advance will eliminate the need to make a decision on the spot. Lean into the intention to explore your options!
If you’re meeting people at an outdoor or BYOB event, bring your own drinks. Test out different flavored seltzers and non-alcoholic beverages. If you’re the creative type, it could be fun to make your own non-alcoholic drinks with fresh ingredients. Non-alcoholic beer and wine can also be a great option.
Meeting at a restaurant can be a bit trickier. Try to look at the menu ahead of times to see what your options are. Do they have non-alcoholic options? Decide on your go-to so that you don’t need to make a decision in the moment.
2. Practice your script
No matter what your reasoning is for being sober curious, you don’t owe people an explanation. While sober curious exploration isn’t something to be ashamed or secretive about, there may be some people in your life that you just don’t feel like sharing your whole process with. And that’s okay!
Come up with a couple of pre-planned responses that would feel good to use when people inevitably ask why you’re not drinking. You can use humor, sincerity, brevity. Try out different approaches to see how they feel. Here are a few to get you started:
I don’t feel like it tonight
I’m taking a break right now
I have an early morning
I have a lot to do tomorrow
I decided to cut back a bit, and it feels good!
I’m doing some Spring cleaning for my liver!
I’m doing Sober Spring. Want to join?!
Notice who you feel more comfortable around and feel free to share more about your thoughts and exploration with them. Often, people feel nervous to talk about being sober curious with other people and you may find that there are other people in your life who are also curious to explore.
3. Remember Your Why
There is a reason why you have found yourself drawn to this exploration. Whether that is for health reasons, a question about addiction, or simply wanting a change – get clear on your why and let it guide you.
Try journaling to get clear on your intentions and goals. Save a note in your phone with bullet point reminders that you can look at before meeting your friends or in moments when that whisper of temptation starts getting louder. Put motivational messages on post-it notes around your bedroom. Embrace the why!
4. Have an Escape Plan
It’s important to consider your triggers. For some, that may be simply seeing alcohol. For others, it may be spending time with certain persuasive friends. Consider what your biggest temptations may be and come up with an exit strategy before you leave home.
Maybe this means leaving a party to head home and watch your favorite show instead. Maybe it means relocating to an ice cream shop with a friend who is up for a change of scenery. Having a pre-set backup plan can help reinforce boundaries and reduce anxiety in the moment.
5. Better Together
When you are sober curious, you may wonder if you can do it alone. Having a great support system helps ease this anxiety by ensuring you don’t have to.
A support person can be another person also trying out sobriety or a close friend who you’ve told about your exploration. Support people can also be strangers whose stories you read about online.
Whatever the case may be, having support on this journey is a fantastic way to enhance your sober curiosity this spring.
6. Try Therapy
Finally, a great way to get support with your sober curious journey is by working with a licensed clinician. Individual therapy can provide a safe space to explore without judgement. Your therapist can support you in many ways including:
Identifying and setting boundaries
Exploring patterns and dynamics that may impact how alcohol impacts you
Communicating with friends and family
Getting clear on goals
Developing new coping skills and resources
Integrating learnings from your sober curious journey
Exploring self worth and improving inner alignment
No matter where you are in your journey, we’d love to hear from you! Reach out to be connected to one of our licensed therapists in New York or contact us to set up a free consultation call.